This time we're doing a combination of something with initials (EMDR?) and something else with initials (NLP). Hmmm - WTF? Essentially, this seems to involve tapping your face and saying reassuring things. Apparently it rid Joe of his hayfever (whaaaat? Is he insane?) and sounds like a massive load of old hogwash to me, and I'm disappointed in him for being so...weird. And gullible.
But I do it, because I will do ANYTHING even on the remote possibility it works. (And because I'm paying through the bloody nose for it.) And because a girl I once knew claimed that the tapping thing totally cured her of something or other. So lots of good, robust evidence-based reasons then.
So our conversation goes a little something like this...
'Relax, Viv, start tapping your forehead with two fingers, and repeat after me - I am a confident, strong woman'
'I am a confident, strong woman' (tapping, feeling VERY stupid)
'I don't need fear in my life any more'
'I don't need fear in my life any more' (apparently we're moving all over our face with the tapping thing, so now we're on the nose)
'There is nothing to be afraid of'
'There is nothing to be afraid of' (chin)
'I am going to say goodbye to this fear, and hello to a new life'
I am going to say goodbye to this fear, and hello to a new life' (hands now)
'I am the hunter'
'I am the...whaaat?'
'I am the hunter'
I am the hunter?!' (incredulous, and now laughing in poor Joe's serious, tapping face. Is he for real? Is this really happening?)
'I am the hunter.'
'Uh, I am the...hunter..?' (faltering, tapping, laughing)
'I am not the prey'
'I am not the prey' (now in hysterics, but also beginning to question the life choices that have led me to this moment)
Things carry on is this vein for for another surreal ten minutes or so until eventually our time is up. I hand over the best part of a hundred quid, feeling suspiciously prey-like...
Has Joe just shot me with a metaphorical rifle and slung me over his metaphorical shoulder like a plump, metaphorical deer?
I will let time (or maybe you guys) decide...
* Oh rel-ax? Oh, wow, thanks. That simply hadn't occurred to me. IF I COULD RELAX, I WOULDN'T BE SAT HERE THROWING MY MONEY AT SOME FRANKLY, QUITE DUBIOUS AND NOT IN ANY WAY ENDORSED BY THE MEDICAL PROFESSION THERAPY, WOULD I?! Wow. Relax? Phew. Thanks.